Girl Drama Decoded: Understanding Conflict, Connection, and Confidence with Sheri Gazitt

What if “girl drama” isn’t about mean girls—but about misunderstood emotions, unmet needs, and skills no one ever taught us?

In this episode of Piece of Work, Danielle sits down with international friendship expert, speaker, and founder of Teen Wise, Sheri Gazitt. With over 30 years of experience helping girls navigate friendships, social anxiety, and the emotional rollercoaster of growing up, Sheri brings both insight and compassion to a topic that affects every family with daughters.

Together, they unpack the truth behind “girl drama,” why it’s often mislabeled, and how parents can better support their daughters without dismissing, overreacting, or stepping in too quickly. Sheri shares her powerful LOVE framework—Listening, Offering advice, Validating emotions, and Empowering—and explains how these skills can transform not just teen friendships, but the parent-child relationship as well.

The conversation also explores the growing loneliness epidemic among teens, the impact of social media on real connection, and why learning healthy friendship skills early matters more than ever.

Whether you’re parenting a tween, a teen, or reflecting on your own friendship patterns, this episode offers practical tools, perspective shifts, and hope.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  What “girl drama” really is (and why the term matters) 
•  The 3 common ways parents unintentionally get it wrong 
•  How to support your daughter without taking over 
•  Why connection—not control—is the goal 
•  How to build stronger, healthier friendships at any age 

Sheri is the author of Girl Drama Decoded: Empower Your Daughter Through the Ups and Downs of Girl Drama and Friendships and supports moms through her Mom Wise Collective.

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Transcript

Audio Only - All Participants 1:07

Welcome back to Piece of Work. Today I have with me my friend Sheri. Sheri Gazitt is an international friendship expert, speaker and founder of Teen Wise. With over 30 years of experience and a background in counseling psychology, she's helped thousands of girls navigate friendship struggles, social anxiety, and the emotional ups and downs of growing up. She's the author of Girl Drama Decoded. Holding it up here and supports moms through her Mom Wise Collective, while also working directly with teen girls. Through private coaching Coach Sheri is known for making complex social dynamics, feel understandable, and giving families practical ways to build confidence, connection, and healthier friendships. That was a little bit of a mouthful, but I actually met Sheri. Personally through a book writing mastermind that we were both part of. And she was one of the first of our group to actually publish her group, her book through our publisher that we've been working with. So it just came out, what, like a couple of weeks or maybe a month ago. What was the date? February 23rd, I believe it was. Congratulations. You won't, you have to remember that date.'cause it's like you're new baby. It's like exactly. Just like you remember your kids' birth dates and lots of labor. Yes. Lots of labor. Almost harder than giving birth to a real baby. Yeah. It took much longer. It does. And it's not just the writing, it's the whole process. And then even once it comes out. Then you still have to raise it up just like with the real kids. And then it's vulnerable, right? Because you've put your words out there for people to read and critique and or dislike. So that's a big part of your too. Yes. It's so vulnerable and it's, we can talk about all of that. I assume that you are the mom of daughters based on your book. Tell us about Yes. Three of them. Yes. Same. I also have three daughters. How old are yours? They're in their twenties, so 22 to 27. Nice. My oldest is about to turn 20, like in a couple days, and it's unfathomable to me that she can be 20. Like I don't even know how it feels like it was yesterday. And she she's a sophomore in college and she what was I gonna say about her? I'm trying to think. Just because I work as an OB nurse in the hospital currently, in addition to podcasting and writing and all the other things I'm doing, I see babies every day and I see those, the striped blanket and I swaddle them. And so I feel like perhaps it's fresher in my mind the whole birth experience and, having, holding your baby for the first time. But, so maybe that's why, but for some reason, like it feels like it's three days ago that I held her in the hospital and held her up and said, what's your name gonna be? I waited my whole life for you. And here she is, like almost 20. I know, it's crazy. It, you hear all the time flies. But when you have kids, it really. It gives you that time tracker where you're like, you see them getting older and growing and then college and jobs and Yeah. It really reminds you that time. Yeah.'cause we don't age at all. But when you see them going from a baby to a toddler, to a little kid in school, to a teenager, and then adulthood, it's crazy. It's crazy that they just become whole people that are separate from you. So you talk and you're, I started reading your book. I haven't finished it yet, but it's so good. Tell us a little bit about what this girl drama means, why you decided to write a book about this and what it's all about. It's such a, it's a huge part of growing up for girls and just. Say, oh, girls are just mean. There's all this girl drama. And first of all, I hate this phrase, girls are just mean. We should not be using that at all. But I know how much friendships matter to girls and in general to people, right? That connectedness is so important and we need to really work alongside our girls to teach them how to have those healthy, fulfilling friendships because those patterns they create in the teen years, stick with them through the adult years. Absolutely. Yeah. We were just talking about my episode a couple weeks ago, actually maybe last week, about friendship in adulthood in middle age, and I think it, it does stem from like those hurts and hangups that we've had since. Since grade school. When I was watching your episode on the friendship recession, what really struck me is that while, you were talking about when you get older, how it's harder to make friends, but right now there's actually a loneliness epidemic amongst teens because they are struggling to figure out how to connect in the first place, especially post COVID. But then how to create those deeper, long lasting, trusting, and loyal friendships. So it's not just for adults, it's, we're seeing it in the teen years too. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I remember when my oldest was, she was right between junior high and high school when COVID hit. So she was, she started high school in 2021, I think. And so right in the middle of COVID and with masks. And I think the first few weeks might've even been online and just, I remember her telling me that, first of all, she was very bored and not challenged with school. And she was like I, she felt very depressed. And I was like, but sweetie, there's so much more to school, to high school than the classes. You need to connect to people and you need to find things, ways to get involved. And it was really hard to do that during COVID. You didn't have the normal, she's not an athlete, so she didn't have. And there weren't really any clubs happening at that first semester during COVID. So I think that's true. And then like we've said, or like I said in my episode, we're so connected with social media and phones that we're, we don't know, they, we've forgotten how to connect in person, face to face with people, and how to talk to people and how to, our kids don't even know how to talk on the phone. Really like how to answer the phone, how to ask. Yeah. We still do this, right? They're like, what? They're like this. I'm like, I'll tell my youngest daughter,'cause I, my youngest is only 10, so I have a range of teenagers, teenage girls, tweenagers and teenagers. And she like, I'll say, hang up. And she's there's no mom. That's not a thing. Or pick up the phone. Like all the terms even are not, they're all different anymore. But your point of. Of them being so connected through text and online and Snapchat and all of that stuff. It's just not the same.'cause you're not exchanging energy, you're just ex exchanging, words on a phone or however they're exchanging it. And that's just a very different thing than being face to face in a room together. Like with us, on Zoom we can see each other, so that adds to it. We can see our expressions and stuff, but they don't do that. Most of the time. It's just. Texting. No. Even my youngest, the, it's the whole, it's really funny. She'll talk to her friends on FaceTime and then if I say, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna eat dinner now, hang up the phone she'll she'll just literally not even say goodbye. She'll just end the call and then text them and say, I had to go my mom. I was like, why don't you just say, you just say, okay, I have to go now. Give a little bit of explanation. You don't just literally hang up on somebody. Yeah. But they just don't have the, the manners, I guess the telephone etiquette that we were raised with and we had to answer the phone at home for our parents. We had to be professional even at home. My dad is a realtor, so not knowing he was gonna pick up the other end. Yeah, you'd have to ask for the person that you wanna speak with. You didn't just go directly to their cell phone. So that's interesting. Wait, that's a whole side conversation I guess, that we could have. But so what, tell us about what is girl drama, in your what's your definition of girl drama? What do you mean by that? Why did you decide to write this book? So I will say why, first lemme say why I use the term girl drama, because I get pushback from people saying aren't you acting it does not mean it's not real and they're just pretending and all of that stuff. But I call it girl drama because it's so big and I think of it like on a theatrical stage, the emotions are bigger, they have to speak louder. Their gestures are bigger, it's just more intense. And so that's why one of the reasons why I refer to it as girl drama. But also as a coach, you're supposed to use the language that people resonate with. And if I say we're gonna talk about relational aggression. N nobody's gonna wanna read it. That needs to be reading it. So that's why I call it girl drama. But this book is all, it's written more as a guide instead of a really dense book, because I want moms to be able to pick it up and refer to it and understand what exactly girl drama is without villainizing anyone. Girls are not evil geniuses or evil masterminds. They're trying to figure out how to have friendships and it's ingrained in their wiring that when they feel alone or they feel like their friendship is in jeopardy, or their social hierarchy is being threatened that they will go to these behaviors that are not healthy because they don't know what to do otherwise. So that's why we have to know how to step in and empower them and teach them how to have those healthy friendships. Okay. Yeah, that's very interesting. So you used the term relational aggression. Is that the technical term for girl drama? Is that's a technical term. Yes, it is. You get, it sounds really super harsh, so I think most people would be like, oh, that's not what my daughter's experiencing. But really it's. Something within a relationship that's happening. And so girl drama, most of it is, there are some where like peer-to-peer, they don't know each other very well, but a lot of it is, and the most hurtful girl drama is when you do know people and you do have that friendship and things go awry. So what do you, what is relational aggression? Like by definition? What? Just for, to give us a more of a clinical, more of a, yeah. Scientific explanation. It's a behavioral, how should I put it? I haven't even thought about the clinical definition in so long, but what I would say is it's the unhealthy behaviors within a relationship. Okay. That's how I would so what, when I started your book, it's, it seems to be mostly from the perspective of. Somebody, a mom who might be trying to comfort and help her daughter who is being faced with that relational aggression or girl drama focused on her. Is, does, do you also get into dealing with the other side where if you have the child who is the aggressor I guess so to speak? Because I think it can go both ways. Almost sometimes the absolutely aggressee can become the aggressor. And so how do you do you get into that as well? One of the things that I talk about in there is what the girl needs, who is. Let's say the target. I don't like to use that term'cause that's more bullying, but the one who's experiencing this, right? It's the same thing that the girl who is doing the behaviors, they need the same thing. They need support. They need guidance. They need to learn interpersonal skills. So it's not that one's the bad girl and one's the good girl because every girl you line up 50 girls. For middle school, you might have the most angelic ones, the more aggressive ones. Each and every one of them is able to be mean. Absolutely not because they're purposely doing it, be because they might accidentally do something or say something. So it's really, we have to think all these girls are learning and we have to have compassion for all of them and stop like pointing fingers and saying, she's the bad person, she's the mean girl. And we need to look at what does that person need so that they can create. Better friendships and what is it that's fueling that behavior? Because what we know is that girl drama starts not because something happened, it's because of a thought that happened. So it might be some girl thinks she's in jeopardy of losing her friend. So in her mind, she needs to do something to solidify the friendship. Maybe nothing actually happened, but it's her thought and her feeling of how she's interpreting the situation. And that's a lot of what fuels girl drama. That sounds fascinating. So walk us through the book. Not that I think everybody should actually read the book and maybe, come work with you more closely and we can get into how people can work with you. But walk us through a little bit of your framework or what the book is gonna walk through people. Yeah, so the book, Chris Walks talk, explain, explains girl drama and what it is and what the behaviors you're looking for. And then it goes into what are the ways that moms and dads typically will support their kids. And there's three ways that are not so great. So I go through those and say, these are the things you don't wanna say and here's why. And then there's the fourth way, which is supportive, and that then goes into the love framework, which all these girls need is love. And it's listening, offering advice. Validating emotions and empowering. So that is a big piece of, I love that. And we as moms, we're fixers. We wanna fix it all. And we can't do that with girl drama. So true. We have to focus on our daughter. And so many times when we're frustrated, we see our daughters hurting, we want to intervene. And really when we do that, we're telling our daughter, step back, mom will handle it. You can't deal with us. It's too big for you and we need to really watch that we're, we don't do that'cause we're robbing them of the opportunity for social development to build social confidence, to get new skills. And so we really have to watch ourselves, our, I think our ego, our mom, ego, step in sometimes and let me deal with this. I got this. And we have to, yeah. I think sometimes it's like it that intervening is intertwined in what we feel is our identity and our job as a mom. Like that's literally being a mom is intervening. And I think we're wrong when we think that, but I think that's something we do. So you said there's three ways that we get it wrong, and then one way that we can get it right in a supportive way. What are those three ways that we tend to get it wrong? And I wanna preface this by saying this comes from teens themselves. I've had like thousands of hours of working with teens. And so I listened to them and figured out what is it that's not working and the support that they're getting.'cause all the moms are loving and amazing moms. So where are things going wrong? So the first is dismissive. And that's stuff like, why do you care about these girls anyway? You're not gonna remember them in 10 years. And I can guarantee you they will remember them in 10 years. Yes, you and I probably need, all right, but it's so easy to do that. To try to reassure them. Even when they go through a breakup or something, you're like, oh, you sweetie, you're gonna have so many more in. But it's, yeah, you don't mean to be dismissive. You're trying to make them feel better, but Exactly. I see that. And so that comes at some point, but when they're in the midst of it and they're really hurting, think of it like if going through a divorce and somebody was like, ah, don't worry, it wasn't a great marriage anyway. Like you'll see another person, you're just missing your whole life. You're like your dream. I know you're like, wait a second. And same thing like when a friendship ends and you're like what's the big deal, right? You'll find another friend or even badmouthing the girl, which is another one that's being the dramatic mom. When you get into the mix of the girl drama, you start badmouthing, you start getting super emotional. You're in the trenches with her. And when you're in the trenches, you can't help her. You've gotta stay above the girl drama. So that's the second one. There's dismissive, dramatic, and then there's intrusive. That's the mom who wants to fix everything all the time. So calling the athletic coach, calling the school, calling the other moms. Some moms have even confessed, they have texted the other girls. Really getting into the mix. Mix of it. Wow. And as we already talked about, it's not the way to go. Not good. Yeah. I can see, I think I've probably been guilty of all of those in small amounts over the years with one of my three girls at least. Exactly. And it's all about, I wanna say, it's not about judging ourselves, it's not about being hard on ourselves. When we're aware of these, then we can be like, oh, okay, I'm gonna work on that. I'm gonna change that it's never about shaming or blaming, it's about, oh yeah, I can see now why teens would think that I'm gonna work on that piece. So instead of being dismissive, dramatic, or intrusive, what should we do as moms? We want to think about the supportive piece, and one of the metaphors I think of as if there was a mama bear, which we can turn into the mama bears, right? And Mama Bear is walking around with her cubs and somebody comes into the mix, a person, and the mama bear is so focused on this person, right? Like I would need to keep them safe. And the Cubs run off in the forest and they're on their own. Like we wanna think about, yes, the mama bear is protecting, but the bears are out on their own. The low cubs are. So we want to focus our energy. On our kids. What does our daughter need in that moment? Instead of, I need to talk to everybody to fix this. We need to think about what skills can she learn from this? We need to believe for her when she doesn't believe in herself, that she can get through it and maybe that she can make different friends, or that she can release these friendships or. Maybe she's in between friends, that we believe in those next friendships for her, but we need to focus on our daughter, what she needs. And I talk also about looking for when you need to intervene, and even that intervention when you do need to intervene. It doesn't always mean going to the like outside people, right? Like the parents in the school. Sometimes that means getting her a therapist or getting her a coach like I am, so that she has that support that she needs and wants. So it doesn't have to be you. That has to, yeah, have to. I loved what you said about believe. Believe for her when she doesn't believe in herself or exactly for herself. That's I think the best. That's so beautiful. Yeah. I love that. And I noticed you say you have that little believe sign behind you believe is a big word in my life. As you'll learn more when you, I know you're reading my memoir piece of work. Yes, I am. So yeah, there's, it almost was called Believe the Book because there's a whole section about I saw that. Yeah. But I love that. Believe for her. So how practically speaking do you actually do that? What do you say to her? How do you support her? Yeah, so the first in the left framework, L is first. Half the time, all you have to do is listen to her, let her tell you what's going on, and while you're listening to her, you know you're doing the, like Uhhuh. Yeah. All that kind of stuff. Listen for what are the limiting beliefs that she has in there. And you can't directly say, no, that's not true, or you're wrong about that. But you wanna keep that in mind when you're supporting her later and offering and giving her advice if she wants it. To be able to steer her in a way to look at things differently.'cause a lot of girl drama comes down to the limiting beliefs that they've gathered from maybe negative interactions socially, or friendships that went awry. Something that they have gathered in their like memory backpack and their emotional backpack. They have those limiting beliefs, so we wanna watch for those. That's a really big piece of it. And we wanna think about what can she learn in these moments. We aren't gonna do lectures, we're gonna minimize lectures and maximize conversations, but we want to be there hard where she can talk. She can talk back and forth.'cause when we lecture, they tune out. That's what all my teen clients say. Wah, wah, wah wa. Yeah, exactly. Peanut just just yeah. Charlie Brown. I, there's some research that shows that teens tune out after about three sentences. And when I ask my clients about that, they'll say it's really, it's three words, because I know the lecture that's coming the same lecture every time. So I just act like I'm, all you have to do is show up in their room and they're like, stop. Exactly. So we have to really watch that. I think the. One of the really big pieces we have to be mindful of. When our daughter's struggling, whether it's socially or however she's struggling, though, we don't let that take over the relationship. When every conversation becomes about that, the rumination, you are constantly bringing it to the forefront. When maybe she's oh my gosh, I'm home. I'm with mom. We can relax, right? But you're like, who'd you talk to? What did Sally do? What did Tiffany say? Where you're like, go tell me all the drama where she's you're playing into it almost. Yeah. Yeah. And it can take over your relationship, which is really sad. I have had some girls tell me that the girl drama was so intense, and so that's what the mom and daughter bonded over. So when it was over, it was almost like a grieving process of now what do we connect on? And or when the girl drama was over, it was like. I don't really need my mom anymore. I don't need to talk to her anymore. So you have to really make sure your relationship is well-rounded. It's not all about the drama going on. That's good. Good stuff. So is that all of the listen part of the love, or did we go through all of it? Yeah, listen. Yeah. And then the offer advice, that piece is so important. That's about the, not just jumping in and saying, here's what you need to do to say, do you want me to just listen? Or would you like some advice? Or I've got some ideas, do you wanna hear them? And by doing that, asking if they are ready for it, then they will receive it. If they're not, they're just gonna tune you out or even get defensive or get mad annoyed. Like sometimes you don't need advice like it. If I'm going through a tough time, sometimes I will tell somebody, you know what I'm going through, and they start telling me all the things I need to do. I'm not in that place. I'm just like, I just need support. I don't need you to tell me the logical thing to do. There's a that's very interesting. I keep, I'm, as you're talking, I'm listening. I'm thinking this through my own personal experience and I think that's something I forget to do very often with my daughters, but also with my friends, is I like, I'm almost af it's, it comes from an insecurity. Really. Yeah. I'm almost afraid that they're gonna say no, so I don't. I don't ask them, I don't offer advice. I just give it or I don't ask them if they want the advice.'cause I feel like of course they're gonna say no. So I just blurt it out before they can say no. Yeah, and that's interesting. I think it comes from my own insecurity and my own childhood, and it comes from being, that's interesting. You may have something really valuable, but you don't. Yeah. It may not be well received. And you may, and that's okay. If they're not ready for it, it doesn't. You shouldn't offer it. I think it, as a mom, it comes from also the place of being needed. I have something to give you and I want you to take it. And they might be like, I don't want it right now. And we as moms can take that as they don't need me versus they don't need my advice. That's interesting. I'll have to work on that myself. All right. So we wanna listen first, then offer advice, not just blurt it out. Not vomited it out. But offer it. Yeah. And then offer idea. I like the idea. Would you like some ideas? I think that's nice because it's not like this is the hard and fast way. You should absolutely do it. This, these are some ideas as to how you might choose to do it. And then, yeah. We also have to keep in mind sometimes our ideas are not good ones like we think we know because we have more wisdom. We've been on this planet longer, but we're not in the team world. And so if we say, just go talk to them, just go introduce yourself. They're like, that's not how it works in this situation, mom. Yes. We're like, no, it is. Just go talk to them. And there are some like unwritten rules in the teen world of how you join a conversation or how you talk to people. It's good for us to give them the ideas. Listen to what their feedback is. If they say, no, I don't, I can't do that. Because instead of saying no, you can, ask them why can't you do that? What's the, you're the expert. Tell me, I don't know what's going on in Teen World so that you can have them talk it out with you without saying, I know, and you don't. That's great advice. I love that. What else? What's v. V is validate emotions. And this can be hard, especially if you have the daughter who's on the side of doing the not so healthy behaviors. But she needs to know her emotions are always valid, and that doesn't mean condoning her behavior, but if she's angry at people or if she's distraught, she's sad. Frustrated. All of those are always valid. So we can be there for her to process through that emotion without having to judge or logically dissect the behaviors that are going on. That's great. So you're not condoning the behavior, but you're telling her that it's okay to feel the feels and to, yeah. And so sometimes, for daughters crying over, let's say she didn't get invited to a birthday party, goes to the dismissive, right? Oh my gosh, it's not that big of a deal, it's just a birthday party. It's dismissive, but it's also invalidating her feelings. Double whammy. And what is E then? That's empower and that's, there's a whole lot of stuff we could talk about in that. That is teaching her the interpersonal skills, teaching her about emotional resilience and regulation, teaching her about limiting beliefs and bringing awareness to that and allowing her the space to create the identity that makes her feel strong and powerful and confident. It's almost like putting it all together because you're basically offering advice and teaching and absolutely, yeah. And I see a lot of the girls that I coach privately, they've seen therapists and it's great. I love therapists. However, they're only focusing on like one of these pillars and maybe two. But you can't just talk about the emotions. It's not just about getting through girl drama. You need to talk about the interpersonal skills. You need to talk about the limiting beliefs. She has to figure out who she is in this. So all four of those are so important to empower her. It's not just the skills because she can have the skills all day, but get rejected. Or the other girls are not on the same level of having conflict conversations. She has to be able to deal with the emotions that come with it. And the vulnerability. But I'm telling you, it is so hard to actually do that. I love that. It's on the surface I love that. Yes, I wanna empower her. And I feel like that's what I'm doing. And it's really hard in the moment to know how to do that, to know what to say to, to teach her those interpersonal skills and the elimination It is. And that's what the Mom Wise Collective is all about. Because there, there's two reasons that I created that program. One is because there is no cookie cutter answer. To girl drama, friendship issues, or raising a teen. As every situation is different. So you can come in with a basic idea, right? Like in the book that I write, and still there's gonna be questions like, okay, this is happening. I feel like I'm gonna be dismissive, but what can I do in this situation? So talking through the situations that come up as they come up. Because everything is so different. Every girl is so different. The way that I would coach a girl who's really shy, for instance, is different than I would coach a girl that's really loud and boisterous. Every girl's different. Makes sense. So what is it, tell us about this Mom Wise Collective. What is it exactly? The Mom Wise Collective. Was born because I know that everybody doesn't have the time or finances to work with me privately. And I know that when the moms are empowered and they have the knowledge they need, that trickles down to the daughter being empowered. And that's what we want. We want girls to feel empowered, the moms to feel empowered. So we create a world where women and girls are lifting each other up, and that starts in the teen years. You and I are older. We're not in our twenties anymore. We're not at teens. We have learned that there are groups of women who lift each other up, and if you've ever been in a room with women like that, you're like, this is amazing. But there's so many times where it takes us until the forties or fifties to get to that place. Yeah, like we don't wanna have to wait that long to be enlightened and to experience that. We want it to start young. We want these girls to understand what it feels like to be in a room filled with other girls, not comparing each other, not feeling inferior, not feeling like they're competing for social status, that they are there to lift each other up. That's great. That sounds beautiful. I've said it like pretty regularly for the last several years, that you don't get a rule book for this stuff, right? You don't get a guidebook, for how to be a parent of a, there are lots of guidebooks actually about how to parent a baby, how to breastfeed. Oh, yeah. How to help them sleep train. But there's not. Very, there's not really a guidebook for all these specific situations, so I love that you've created a guidebook for girl drama specifically, but what other the, it sounds like this Mom Wise Collective might get into more than just these interpersonal relationships, but a lot of the other things that, that we experience, is it mostly focused on definitely raising girls or is it. Is it more general? A lot of the stuff in there is relevant for any parent whoever they're parenting. There's a lot on the parenting communication. There's a framework called the trust framework that's about how you create a collaborative environment and collaborative conversations. It doesn't mean that the kids get the say and the rules and expectations, but that it's a share and discover. The way that you're parenting, right? And that keeps'em coming back from more conversations, allows them to explore the world with you as their guide versus doing it, in quiet without you. So that's a big piece of it. There's a lot about smaller things, like I think I even have some about. Chores and some about anxiety and stress and emotional regulation. There's a lot in there. And then I do have a section specifically for the teens so they can share that with them. There's one on how to respond to girl drama, and that is how to set boundaries or what are the simple, super simple things you can do. To minimize girl drama. We're never gonna get completely rid of it. And then there's a whole course on creating friendships and connections too. When I was listening to your podcast on friendship what did you call it? Friendship, not regression. Friendship. Recession. I recession I think. Friendship regression. Yeah. Yes. A lot of the stuff came up in there of like, how do you create those connections and what are the steps and, what do you need to do? Like it's using, the amount of time, the minds you're sharing, the emotions you're sharing, the trust you're giving, all of those things are in that course for the girls too. So it sounds like this Collective is like a is it a membership of sorts? Is it a group of courses? What is, it sounds like there's a lot of things there. There's a lot. There is. And I always wanna say that you take what you want and you'll leave the rest. So there is a vault of information, which is what I was describing to you. They can also submit questions to me and get a video response. And then there is a telegram group we have for the moms who want to jump in there. And they can support each other there. And I'm in there with them too. And the reason this is important to me is that I am in a lot of Facebook groups for parents and the cruelty and the shaming and the blaming in those groups is. Unbelievable. Like someone will share something about their daughter and just some of the comments are that they're struggling with. Yeah. They're so awful. And so I wanted to create a space where I'm heavily moderating and if anybody is like that, I immediately take a comment down and, talk to them about why it's not okay. And then if I even see girls are just mean, I am like, Hey, we don't say that in here. So I really like to heavily moderate it so that. The moms can share and feel safe about it, that they're not gonna be judged and criticized. What about some, what about deeper but very common psychological issues with girls eating disorders, for example. Do you touch on how to guide or help your daughter when they're going through something like that? Some of those I will touch on the eating disorders, I'll touch on it, but I'm not the expert on that, so I wanna make sure I'm not giving any invalid advice. So I will do my research and, do some things on that within the Collective. Okay. Talk about gender identity as one, anxiety, depression, things like that. If your daughter's depressed, how do you support her through that? Things of that sort. Okay. Yeah, that's very good.'cause that's the kind of stuff that it comes up and it comes up. All of a sudden you didn't even know it comes out of left field. Yeah. And you're like, oh my gosh. In the moment, what do I say? What do I do? And then what's the next best step? How do I get her more support for than what I can just. It's not easy. And the mental health system in this country, I've said this a lot before too is really challenging to navigate even. Yes. Even when you're really knowledgeable about insurance and healthcare. I'm a nurse and I'm an insurance agent. I'm a life coach and I still found it very hard to navigate when my daughter it does. That's really tough. We also have, unfortunately within the therapy realm, the mental health arena. There's a lot of therapists that are not so great. So I would say if you are getting your child a therapist, you need to know a lot about that therapist. You need to know their methodology and their ideology. Unfortunately, there's some stuff that's creeping in now. They call it decolonized therapy. A lot of people love the idea, but the. Execution of it is horrible. And they're using the therapy time to point out, some of the social injustices, which, I love, that people are focusing on that. But when someone is coming to you for depression, you don't talk about you're pressing people or people are pressing you, or you can get to that but we have to be careful of, wow, that's what's going on behind those doors. Yeah. Very interesting. And I think in some of these areas, obviously if you have a, a serious mental health issue, you wanna see a therapist. But I think that more and more we're seeing coaches, life coaches, re resilience coaches, relationship coaches, that can, that have done, a lot of training that's not necessarily in a therapy. Setting. It's, it is it can be really helpful, I think as long as it's not, crossing a boundary, I think it's because like you're talking about we're, to me, coaches are more skill-based. We're gonna teach you some things that are gonna help you get through it and get stronger and get to where you wanna be versus just sitting in that. That situation. And I hear that speaking that you started going like this with your hand, putting it in a circle. I feel like sometimes with therapy, yeah. You're going around and around, okay, this is caused because of this and your parents did this to you, and you're, that's great and that's important. And with depression, there's some real. Real modalities that yes, different therapists can do that, that are beyond what a coach can do, but I think in a lot of, in a lot of ways, a coach can not bring you to a different, to a higher place, help you move forward rather than just being stuck in the exactly the past and the presence. And I hear that from the girls who have gone to see therapists. I had one girl, this is really funny. When she came in, I don't know if funny is a word, but she was deciding if she wanted to see me.'cause I always say the girls have to decide not their parents. And she said in therapy, every time she left the session, she left like feeling like she was in a dark hole. It was always heavy and not moving forward. And she said, you have to promise me it's not gonna be like that. And I said. Once in a while we might do that, but that's not our purpose. And with girls, even if I'm talking to them about suicidal ideation or self-harm or something, I'm very careful that at the end of the session, they're not leaving in that dark place. So that they're leaving with hope, they're leaving with empowerment, and that they know that they're. A better way to do things that they're gonna get there the next right step. You don't have to have the whole staircase, but you've gotta see some light at the end of the tunnel. I know I'm using a bunch of different metaphors here, but yeah, I think it's so important and that's what I've always wanted to be as a coach. Whether I am talking to a teenage girl or a, or an adult male, or a business executive or a mom. I think that, yeah. It's important to give them hope and give them steps. I agree with that. Absolutely. Skills. All right. So what else? We've talked about a lot of the business stuff. We talked about your book. Is there anything else you wanna add on the book side? Where can people find your book? First of all? I guess we can, they can find it on Amazon. There has been some very not so great person who has decided to steal my book and is also selling it on Amazon, so look for the right one. No way. Oh, that's so sad. Yes, it's called, I'm gonna hold it up if you're watching on YouTube Girl Drama Decoded. Yes. It's got a picture of two, two girls with one of their hairs flying, and it says, the subtitle is Empower Your Daughter Through the Ups and Downs of Girl Drama and Friendships by Sheri Gaz Gazittt. Sorry, I was G-A-Z-I-T-T-M-A Teen Friendship Expert. Make sure you get the right one. Yes. All right. That's so sad and that, okay, so let's talk, let's shift gears a little bit. I'm curious about, so this is your first book, right? I have another book I wrote, but it was more like a workbook and it's not on Amazon or anything called Discovering Friendship, but this is the first one that's out there in the world out there published for strangers to buy. Yes, exactly. And what was that experience like and how do you plan on writing others What? Tell us about a little bit about that. The experience was very long because I've been thinking about this book forever, but it always got pushed to the back burner. Because I always thought, oh I need to work on coaching girls. I need to work on presentations or doing podcasts, whatever it is. So there was always this nagging feeling that I'm not getting it done. So finally when I decided to. Make it priority. I was working with a productivity coach. I was working with someone who was specifically talking about publishing, and I just decided I'm gonna get this done because there's moms out there who need this information. So I, I released that. It was about me. Unlike your book, which is a memoir, which is amazing. Thank you. This what I just need to put myself to the side and get this out there so that mom's happy. You're, it's here to help other people. Absolutely. And my next book that I'm, that I've submitted my completed manuscript to the publisher. Nice. Or to the editor I should say. And so yeah it is more about other people. So my first book was a memoir. It was about my story, but hopefully with some nuggets and things that people can learn from my story. Oh yeah, for sure. And then this next book will be, more of a guide of sorts for resilience. So yes, it's, it is. That's a great strategy to think about. Who's missing? I'm, I have this knowledge that I want to share and I'm not sharing it, I'm not using my gifts to, as they were given to me. So I think that's, yeah, really. Solid way to think about it because you can be, really up in your head about who am I to teach this? And it's who are you not to if you understand something that can help other people, who are you not to put it out into the world? So congratulations for getting it out there. It's not an easy feat. Lots of people think about writing a book, very few actually do it and publish it and put it out there. So I wish you continuing success with that. I wanna talk a little bit about, we were chatting right before I hit record about, try to steady your camera. It's like shaking a little bit. We were talking about having some similarities that we have, having. Because you're reading my book and so I, in my book I tell a little bit about the story of being raised Jewish and becoming a Christian and straddling two worldviews, and you shared with me that you were a little bit the opposite. You were raised Christian and be and converted to Judaism. Tell us a little bit about that. I'm curious about your personal background. Yeah, so I actually was born and raised Southern Baptist, so that's, wow. It's we would go to church. My grandmother actually would come and take us to church every Sunday. And I think it was my parents' way of having time to themselves, but that's hilarious. So they didn't go to church. You, your grandma took you? They did once in a while, but it was more about my grandmother. And it really was a big part of who I was and still a part of who I am. Thinking about my grandmothers who. Really that I thought about. What kind of person was she? She was a person who was giving and kind and, loved people and took care of people. And so that's she was what I thought of as Christianity. And then I met my husband and I ended up converting to get married to him. And what was really appealing to me about Judaism, the same thing that I thought of my grandmother, is the tikkun olam. Making the world a better place. Yes. I love that. That's that to me, tikkun olam is, yeah, that's what I think of. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I have to say, I grew up with that idea. So Tikkun olam means making the world a better place. It probably, we're not probably sharing it perfectly, but and I thought when I did become a Christian, that was a universal idea that of course Christians wanted that. Also to me that was just a given. Of course, yeah. As Christians, we would want to make the world a better place, but that's not always an ideal. That is taught in Christianity or in Christian families. Yeah. And for all religions, right? Yeah. Like with Judaism and Christianity specifically, you've got the bad seeds. You've got the really good seeds. They're, it's individuals. Of course. So you've got the religions and then the individuals of how they decide to live their life. Exactly. That's true. So you were attracted to this ideal of making the world a better place. What else? What else caused you to, yeah, probably some of it was just'cause you loved your husband and you wanted to Yeah, I loved my husband Swim to family with him. My. The way that I think of it is, I wouldn't necessarily say spiritual, but just the way that I wanna live my life. I am not a person for the rules, right? So I don't necessarily keep kosher and all of that stuff. But it's for me. How am I gonna show up in the world whether I'm Jewish or I'm Christian? That really doesn't matter as much as how am I going to treat people in my life? How am I going to make a positive impact in the world? All the rest is fluff, right? There's cultural pieces to the religions, there's the ceremonial pieces to the religion. There is learning. As you're reading the Bible you know that you are like. What can I take from this? And that to me is what religion should be all about. Not about a controlling or you have to do things this way. I love that. I do agree too. I think we're we've talked about a lot of things. We talked about our daughters a little bit. We talked about your book and your coaching. Anything else that you wanna share with me or the person who's listening? I think we've covered so much. I, you and I think we could probably talk for hours about so many things. I think I would love that. Yeah, we'll have to, we'll do this again and we'll talk about something else. I think one of the things that I do wanna just touch on really quick before we part ways is the epidemic of loneliness. It is a really big thing right now. We are, I think it really comes down to the fact that we don't need each other as much. We think we don't about the everyday things, right? Like we've got DoorDash, we have Uber, we've got, all these things that make it easy to live life without asking people for things. And so while we're like, I don't wanna be a burden on anyone, when we don't ask someone for that favor, that leaves a huge connection point just sitting. If we ask them for, Hey, I am, I need an egg. I'm, I'm making this recipe, or Can you give me a ride to the airport? Yeah. You used to have to knock on your neighbor's door and say, do you have a cup of sugar? And that doesn't happen anymore. You would just DoorDash the sugar or run to the store. Yeah. So it's so true. I hadn't thought about that. Yeah. And becoming so efficient. We don't talk to each other about the everyday things anymore. Yeah, I love that. How can we counteract that? I offered a couple tools in the podcast episode, but what else can we do? We start asking people for stuff and we start That's interesting. So it's not just about offering.'cause it, I think most of the time we focus on being the one to offer help. Yep. And how to do that best. But that's a, an interesting thought. I remember several years ago, a friend of mine was, I think she was having a. Hysterectomy or some kind of surgery. And I remember offering to bring her a meal or whatever, and she's oh, don't worry about it. I got it covered, or, I'm good. I don't wanna bother you. And I'm like, and I actually told her, I said, it would give me joy to do that for you, and it would give me exactly something to do. It's like it almost hurts my feelings to. To, for you to reject my offer. Exactly. And but here's a gift. Yeah. And I think, we don't think about it that way when we're the one who needs the help. We want someone to just offer, or if they do offer, we're like I don't know if I should accept that. I, I don't need that. I should be fine by myself. Yeah, but you are so right. I hadn't thought about being the asker. Especially when I'm usually the offer, yeah. It feels if somebody asks you to do something for them, you're like, oh, they trust me enough. They like me enough. They think I'm gonna do this for them. It's really it's a privilege to be able to do something for someone and you don't wanna be the person that's asking people to do things for them all the time. You've gotta be the offer as well, but there really is something to asking for that help and support. That's a very unique perspective and I think that, yeah, a lot of people, we should take that to heart. I think that is so true. Yeah. We need, we all want to feel needed. Yeah. Thank you Sheri. This has been a great conversation and I do look forward to more, and maybe we can even meet up in person one of these days. Yeah, that would be awesome. Yeah. Thanks for listening to Piece of Work. If you enjoyed the podcast please follow the show. Please share it with others. Please write a review. This helps other people find it, and the my book also can be found on Amazon,"Piece of Work." We're all a piece of work, a work in progress, and a work of art all at the same time. Aww thank you. She's holding it up. All right, read on and coach on, and I'll be talking to you.